Sunday, July 31, 2005
7:15 PM
It is a form of training for running, where the trainees are made to run a distance of say, 400 metres within one and a half minutes, five times consecutively, but with a break of 2 minutes in between. Said to train stamina; I think it trains your hokkien vocabulary as well. For those of us who can barely clock an IPPT silver timing for the 2.4km station, this 'training' is very shiong.
Actually, I enjoy VO2 Max training. I love the sensation I get when I forcibly try to muster up strength to start a sprint when everyone's slowing down. I think it's an adrenaline rush of sorts.
Normally, when I try to do that, I manage to maintain the sprint for say a grand total of three seconds, and everyone starts to overtake me again.
Just this Friday, I had the most satisfying dose of this adrenaline rush towards the end of my 12 km run at East Coast. I started picking up speed as one of my officers came up behind me and did what all officers are obliged to do, verbally encourage me to run faster. There was a good 100-200 metres up ahead, and somehow, I just kept picking up speed and actually managed to break into a decent sprint as I reached the finish line. Not much really, but quite a big thing for me.
Of course, I do get the mandatory slight pain in the chest and the 'everywhere aches' syndrome that causes people to slow down into a walk after jogging non-stop for extended periods. With the rise in the number of people who become a statistic after collapsing during runs in the army, the line between 'pushing yourself to do your best' and 'playing with death' is becoming thinner.
Fear.
Being a Christian, this fear of freak disasters seldom has a place when I try to push myself to my limit. (To be brutally honest, I think it's actually because I seldom really try very hard until I really feel like I'm going to die, but here's the ideal answer that I want to give anyways.) This is due to my belief that He is benevolent; that He will not allow anything untoward to happen to me, or for the cynic, because my holy Sai Kang (hokkien slang, literally meaning a ground deposit for poop, refering to menial labour) on earth is not all done, so I won't be able to slack one corner in Heaven so easily yet.
With this confidence, I find that I'm able to go all out to do what is necessary, to do my best without fearing for any 'side effects'. So I can run as fast as my treshold of pain can bear without fearing that I will suddenly drop dead of heart attack.
And in a small leap of logic, I can also go all out and do my work as diligently as I should in the office, without fear of being overwhelmed with more work and responsibilities than I can bear as a result. (A meaningful quote: Help someone when he's in trouble, and he'll remember you when he's in trouble again.)
Of course, doing my best at work and training without fear is not the same as hell-riding and screwing around in Geylang protectionless without fear. Not that screwing around in Geylang WITH protection is laudable.
It's just that, I no longer have any excuse for not doing what I think is the right thing to do. And by 'right thing to do', I really mean things like helping others even when I do not feel like it, spending more time with my family, holding back my snide comments, and trying not to be self-righteous about people whom I think work less than me. Yes, and of course, that includes being an open target to arrows in the office, and willingly without a grumble too.
Nuts!
I'm just asking for it man...
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Why am I so depressed?
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
8:15 PM
I've had the most terrible Monday this week. I was carrying a heavy frown with me the whole day, unable to see any humour in the ridiculous amounts of work and responsibility I had in my work. I think I actually scared the resident beng in my branch into docilely obeying my 'request' to turn down the radio. He turned it off.
This dreadful feeling of loneliness and depression has been clinging on to me for the past week or so. However, suddenly, it just disappeared the next morning after guard duty.
Strange...
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Desperate, I am.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
8:16 PM
Just finished watching another gratifying episode of that Korean period drama Jewel in the Palace. I'm totally hooked. The script is good, the acting is good, the setting is authentic, and above all, I think I'm infatuated with the lead actress. My heart aches everytime the director devotes three minutes solely showing her crying in anguish, my spirits soar every time she overcomes another mandatory adversity, and I just melt when she releases tears of joy amidst a quiet smile whilst watching the sunset. I'm such a sucker!I'm STILL crazy over Angela Zhang Shao Han (for those of you who've endured my waxing lyrical over her). After all, she sang the chinese version of the theme song for the serial. And I'm still considering joining her fan club, but this irrational urge is starting to die off, partly because of the new idol in my heart.
...
Reflecting on my recent sudden outburst of idolizing female stars, I realise that I've been doing roughly the same thing with all the girls I've ever secretly (some, not so secretly)(okay, MOST not so secretly), idolizing them, placing them upon the pedastal of worship.
...
I remembered having read these lines from the book of Job Chapter 31 in one of C.S. Lewis' theological works (I think it was Mere Christianity).
26 if I have regarded the sun in its radiance
or the moon moving in splendor,
27 so that my heart was secretly enticed
and my hand offered them a kiss of homage,
28 then these also would be sins to be judged,
for I would have been unfaithful to God on high.
Job recognized that it was in his innate nature to desire to idolize and worship objects and symbols. So, it appears that I'm no different from him. However, as any good Christian would tell you, the only One worthy and worth it of filling in this void in my soul would be God. And only then, would I be a complete and stable person, for my foundation is the unchanging and everlasting Rock.
Yeah, so I've gotta start going crazy over Jesus or something and act like overzealous Evangelists huh? And then maybe Zhang Shao Han will read my blog and see how 'complete' and 'mature' I am and starting emailing me. Alas, but by that time it would be too late, for I would no longer be irrationally infatuated with her no more.
Either ways, my idolizing would be pointless, except perhaps to satisfy my trivial whims.
Sigh.
I need to get out of the army.
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About Guard Duty
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
9:37 PM
I've got an angsty lot to say regarding yesterday's last minute guard duty, but I suppose I'll have leave that till the weekend, when your moods are better, otherwise you might just vomit blood and die of cringing on a post-Monday blues Tuesday evening.
Actually I'm just procrastinating.
Anyways, they say that our army is evolving, and that the 3G, or third generation of technological advances is improving our army dramatically. I believe it is true! Just last night, whilst I was on guard duty to protect our camp, I got a pleasant surprise that proved to me that indeed the effects of all that technology and research was starting to show.
The night snack was beyond what my imagination could bare. Gardenia Vanilla Buns, SFI Chocolate Cakes and Pineapple Tarts, SUPER Coffeemix sachets, and above all, beyond belief, (hold your breath) ...
SUPER CUP NOODLES!!!!!!
When I told my bunkmate about this miracle, he made a 180 degree turn in his strong dislike against doing guard duty.
'Wah, sure not? Eh liddat I want to do guard duty already.'
Shame on those of you who say that our army is becoming softer and weaker. Has there ever been a time when soldiers actually DESIRE with a burning passion to volunteer selflessly for guard duty in the past? Now there is! If that's not improvement in the department of manliness, I don't know what is. Cup Noo... I mean safety of our camp against theoretical human intruders, here I come. I can't wait for next week's guard duty.
P.S.
I managed to take back four of the former items back to take a nice picture of as evidence (SAF Camp don't allow camera what), but I did not manage to save any cups of noodles. It was not ethical, especially when everyone was clamouring to eat them. I'm still learning how to position those pictures on this blog, on top of learning how to take pictures that will not turn out so bad that you will wish you were blind. As of right now, I can't seem to position those pictures below text. So until I find out, I'll be playing cheat.
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8:46 PM
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Sunday, July 17, 2005
2:48 PM
I got dunked into the pool last night, commando style head first. I was totally caught off guard, as my friends set up an elaborate trap that would've tricked even the most vigilant strategist. They used a decoy.
Instead of talking about my feelings of this 'defining moment' in my life, as well as the array of thoughts that raced past my mind during that split second that Pinky yelled 'CHANGE' as I was happily carrying KJ towards the pool, I'm going to mope about my handphone.
As I plunged into the pool stunned, it took me about 5 seconds before I could react to remove my handphone and wallet from my pockets and fling it out of the pool. However, by that time it was too late. As of right now, my handphone would not turn on. There's no spare handphone in my house except an extravagent (and ridiculously hard to use) Blackberry gadget that my father has.
Due to my inability to utilise the Blackberry as a means of SMS transmission, I'm feeling lost and even more lonely now. And as I contemplate the option of getting a new handphone, here's a list of functions in a handphone which I find are totally unecessary:
1) Camera
2) Internet Connection
3) Email
4) Calendar
5) Calculator
6) Games
7) Address Book
8) Phone Book
9) Music Composer
10) Picture Editor
11) Camera
12) Planner
13) Internet Connection
14) Ringtone Selector
15) LCD Screen with colour
16) Polyphonic Ringtones
17) Camera (Have I mentioned that yet?)
18) Palm-top abilities
Actually I find these functions detestable. A phone is a phone is a phone. I don't see what's the point of making it an everything 'pao kah liao' device. And then when it comes down to it, you can't even make a decent phone call or send or recieve a message. And because of that, I'm starting to feel a little depressed. Was expecting a message or two. Perhaps they should also integrate a depression self-help kit into the phone, complete with drug dispensers in case of phone programme crashes that render even a simple phone call impossible.
Pinky, as you read this, please don't feel guilty. Just bring an extra set of clothes the next time we go to Jean's house. Heh heh.
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Finance, SAF style
Saturday, July 16, 2005
11:56 AM
I've ever heard this joke:
Once this guy went to this shop
'Can I have a can of dog food?'
'Uh, do you have a dog ownership certificate?'
'Oh I left it at home, so can I still buy it?'
'Sorry sir, I'm afraid not, our shop regulation.'
So the next day he brought his cert and bought the food.
Then there was another time he wanted to buy batteries for his radio.
'Can I have a set of batteries for my radio?'
'Uh, do you have your warranty card to prove that you own a radio?'
'Oh I left it at home... So I can't buy it right?'
'Yeah, sorry sir.'
So he came back ten minutes later with the warranty card and bought the batteries.
Then one fine day, he came to the shop with an inconspicuous bag in his hand and went straight to the cashier.
'Here, put your hand into this bag... yes, so can I buy some toilet paper?'
Approvals, acceptances, purchases etc. They never happen until we are deep in manure sometimes.
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005
8:42 PM
These days I've been reading my friends' blogs quite regularly, and I'm starting to feel like a voyeur. Especially when reading those blogs whose authors really bare their souls in their writing.
I figured it's about time I start to join in the fun and malu-ate myself by writing immensely angsty and self-pitying posts in a deeply misunderstood and long-suffering tone. So whenever you feel too ridiculously happy and want to tone down your euphoria with some cringeworthy reading, just come here.
...
Actually, I'm just getting lonely. I'm losing touch with many of you, my friends, and starting to feel the drifting-apart effects of not having common-shared-experiences topics to talk about when I meet you online or offline.
I believe an exhibition of my everyday actions and thoughts may do something to ease this sense of insecurity that I'm undergoing. So whenever no one is talking to me online or offline, I'll write in my blog.
I'm a n00B. All you GoSu ones can start pouring suggestions into my mailbox already.
Have a nice day.
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8:36 PM
I suck at writing.
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